through the music

im speaking passionately heartfelt cause im the girl who you wanna take to bed like j.holiday im the girl who will cater to you the way beyonce says but my heart is damaged like danity kane so how you gonna fix it, im holdin on your rope got me ten feet off the ground and im hearin what your sayin but i just can't make a sound you tell me that you need me then you go and cut me down..one republic speak for me the rest its funny because every song played in order like i was hearing my story but theres one last thing missing he doesn't--wanna be,chris brown...please treat me like you'll never see me again alicia keys<3

Young, Rich, and Beautiful

Hello Beautiful People!! The day isn't done for me yet on the contrary it is only 4PM and I still have much to get done today. It's funny how when your trying to be on the move you realize it feels like there is never enough time to get everything you need done. It's all okay though you just have to keep going..NO SLACKING..not when your trying to be on your A-Game. My womens studies class this morning was interesting. Our teacher spoke much about the way people believe photographs to be realistic portrayals of the world around us. One snapshot away from capturing a real life image. However, even photographs have their own subjectivity. Journalist write reports and pick the best image out of a bunch of shots that best fits in with their story. In the same way, photographers choose what they will take pictures of out of everything in their surroundings and on which angle. All of this combines to form the subjective perception made on a photo by a photographer tearing up the photographical myth that photos are realistic. I could go into more details on explaining this topic but I would like to touch upon more things plus I think I'd like to rest my brain. My blog is my time away from everything including academics which are overwhelming me right now. On another note, I've been having this growing addiction to shoes. I think I just found some stores with some hot shoes to feed my new shoe fetish and there inexpensive. Good name brand shoes for cheap?!? Now that's an offer not worth missing out on. I'm planning alot for this semester along with my part-time party life lol. It's all time management so as long as I'm organized and get my work done on time I feel its okay to treat myself to a night out with my girls. Speaking of which, this weekend I should be getting my fake ID..bahahaha "BAD ASS" lol. I'll only be using this for a year and some of you are now wondering why spend the money for it then but uhh yeaa fuck that I'm living life! The plans are already set every weekend me, my roomie, and my boy Cedric are out to NYC. My boy is the CEO of his own entertainment company so he always knows about whats happening around the city. And if you figured it out, he will also be helping me by introducing me to Drake lol..hopefully if we happen to be at the same place at the same time. I honestly just think he would be an interesting person to meet..him and Alicia Keys too. So as for now, the days will be seeming a little monotonous but with having my car on campus soon, focusing on my academics during the weekdays, working three days a week at school, weekend party life in the city, shadow physician program at the hospital in April, real estate classes and certification in April, and we can't forget my spring break trip to Panama City in March too. I'm thinking life is about to get pretty freakin GOOOOOOOOOOOOD! Once all my plans start to kick in this monotmous life will take a turn.

Please Check Out Robin Thicke's New Album....Yeaa I need a man like that! lol
these tracks have been on repeat for me: Sex Therapy and Meiple



Ladies And Gentlemen,
Remember to Live the Life You Love, Love the Life You Live
You are all BEAUTIFUL....Smile everyday even if your day is going bad just Smile believe me even little things like that can change alot

LOVE, PEACE, & HARMONY
AlphaFemale<3

SHES BACK!

I would like to announce the arrival of the lost me, "Divalicious". I thought I told you I'm a STAR! I retired the game a while back but I missed the way it tasted. At the beggining of my college career, I decided to embark on finding a new me. I isolated myself from my old world, met new people, and experienced new things. Now its time to take the things that I have learned and integrate them with the old me. Well, at least I mean its time to mesh the old positives with the new positives and remove all that negative waste. This blog will now include the daily movements of my new lifestyle. Many can try to live the way I live but the difference is few can ever be me. I'm here to bring you a taste of the newly refined "Divalicious". Trust me things are about to get really fun. As for this so called love department, I think I'll be just fine. I'm not giving up hope on love because my heart still believes that in this cruel world true love does exist and it will find me. I will no longer be writing letters to my king on my blog. I probably will keep writing to him though but on paper because it is something special I hope to share with him when we do meet. I know if my King were with me right now he would wants this for me. This new Diva is ready to take on the world. I'm very serious on that too I'm speaking worldwide ;). Success has been waiting for me for far too long and I'm only a few steps away. Tommorow will be the first day.

LOVE, PEACE & HARMONY
AlphaFemale<3


Defenitely Check Out The Album Only By The Night By Kings of Leon..


Sidenote: I'm interested in getting to know Aubrey Graham better known to everyone as Drake. Just cause he's famous doesn't mean I can't hang out with him MAYBEEE and learn about each other..lol..so whats up Aubrey? we can exchange numbers :)

Touchdown

"maybe your looking for something you don't need right now"--some enlightening words from a friend I'm grateful for the people I have in my life. It's interesting people spend time looking for something they don't find and they wonder why they don't instead of questioning maybe it's just not time yet there probably other things your missing on and not paying attention too because your so focused on finding that one thing. Well, I'm done looking time to just look around at what I have right now and do with whatever comes my way. I think I finally understand what that means. People find it easy to say things but never find the way to actually live by them. I'm happy I just found the way. This is the beginning of a new journey.

This too shall pass

FML..mood swings here we go..I wonder how long me being down is going to last? Pause: funny thing is I'm in the car writing on here from my iPhone and I just saw a sign that says God Gives Hope..ironically that's all I needed to hear right now..patience.

I could use somebody

Dear King,

Life has been going pretty interesting to say the least. I wasn't feeling very happy yesterday as I was experiencing a mental storm of conflicting thoughts while trying to analyze and make a decision on what would be my next step. But you know me and I am a very strong person and at this point I decided to wash away the storm and put a smile on my face. Somethings you just will never have control over so its not about what decision I make its about letting life take its course. I'm just living everything out. That guy I was talking to said things that felt hurtful to me but at the same time drew me so confused. Confused in a way that I found it so shocking that he could be able to speak in such a manner. I am a firm believer in honesty but the matter of the fact is that it went beyond honesty. It drew a reflection of the person he very well is. Strong superficial lenses covering a man in his quest to seek the life of money and power that he has become way too vain to see what beauty looks like. I had never met a person like him, he most certainly proved unique. A man who looks at woman and in an instant is ready to pick out flaws. What he needs is a re-evaluation of the woman he holds so high up on a pedestal that he so constantly comapares to the women he meets. I did feel a great connection with him and its something I probably will miss. But I could never stand to be with a person who looks at me with eyes glaring at my imperfections. A man who cares will always be able to see past the imperfections and see you for your entirety. He will make a woman feel beautiful and happy. He will treat her like the queen she really is. Because inside his heart he feels joy in seeing her smile. He couldn't see me because he was too busy looking around for the imperfections. Now I'm done writing my thoughts but the problem im having is not being sure if I am perceiving the situation the right way..but in the end I wouldn't feel comfortable with him, his eyes scream ugly at me. So I believe thats enough to leave a situation just be. KING WHERE ARE YOU?!! come to me nowwwwww!....well blahh blahhh i know be PATIENT. I'm going to go focus on my academics now with the start of this new semester. I love you very much and were the shit!...KISSES<3 :)

ps. I deleted the devil, facebook. I needed to get rid of all the distractions right now and get my head in the game. I have alot of goals to accomplish this semester.

Journey to My King

this is one of my favorite def jam poems
she speaks, TRUTH!
i remember the first time i heard this i was going through some hard times and i was trying to figure out a way to pick myself up and when i came across this womans strong words she gave me the inspiration to hold steady and keep the faith alive. All my thoughts combined into one piece. I been in a relationship with myself for 20 years now and were doing better everyday!! :)

thoughts

i like him and sometimes i feel like he likes me too but other times i feel like he doesn't.

love is the most powerful gift

There changing my house again there renovating the basement which is goin to become my room...but as always when things get cleaned out you find the oldest things, memories lying under piles of papers covered in times dust..a picture of my ex, a card from him on my birthday...Todays kennys birthday, my friend krystinas ex..just when i finished reading the words my ex had written to me in the card she called me and told me she remembered it was her exs birthday and decided to text him. She sent him a text to the old phone number of his she had saved suprised to have him sent her a response because she thought maybe it wasnt his number anymore. High School sweethearts that no longer exist. Those were the days. Young, crazy, in love for the first time, and doing shit you would never do again. A love so innocent untainted by the foolish games that people learn to play in the unforgiving relationship cycles. Together experiencing the growth from girl to woman and boy to man. A beautiful undying memory that will last through time and always have a piece of your heart. We only hold strong to the truth that everything happens for a reason. I am starting to believe though that deep down inside everyone yearns for a love this special. This kind of love which is pure and free of any superficial desires. Sometimes it's not the person but what they made you feel that you miss. The problem is sometimes people grow addicted to love. It's hard to grasp the fact that at one moment you had one of the most powerful gifts in the world and then it gets taken away from you. Then you need to learn to live again but the thing about it is that once you've had it life is never the same anymore. You get hurt, you get up again, you get hurt, you get up again. Its the addiction.

Self to Heart

Dear Heart,
I know that since the day you were made you were blessed with so much power and strength. Everyday I look around the world it is not my brain that receives the sensory information first but rather you. Your the one that makes me feel you are the essence of my human connection with other people. I know sometimes you cry because you wonder why some people may abuse you but you have to understand that not everyone is as gifted as you. If it weren't for my brains logical senses you would be caught up in bad situations. So instead when you get abused don't cry feel joy because you were able to see the lights of love shine through my eyes a love so many people choose to deprive their hearts of. Without this love, hearts grow cold and shrink until they disappear. You my beautiful heart are cherished everyday by me and I promise you that I will never allow you to become cold. I hold faith to keep your beats going that one day you will find a person whose heart matches with yours and that you will share beats together and make songs. Until then I'll keep helping you beat and your beats will keep reminding me of the reasons life is worth living. I love you<3

The Pieces of Me

ok so heres the way the cookie rolls..im probably insecure sometimes, i can talk alot, i have crazy mood swings, and i think way too much about everything..but i don't even care anymore because thats just the way i am..i may be annoying to people sometimes but its like the saying goes if you can't handle me at my worse then you can't have me at my best..i have flaws and i acknowledge and accept all of them and i love myself so much just the same with flaws and all...i don't need your love i don't need you to like me...and just as i have flaws i also know what makes me different..i have the biggest heart in the world filled with so much compassion and im always there for people and im sincere...i like to have fun and be a dork and being weird is cool fuk that normal serious shit..and i have dreams to fill miles and even though some people think there impossible i know im going to accomplish every single one of them..i have drive i have so much passion..and i love to love!...my biggest fear is myself<3

VENTING @4am

i feel like such an asshole/fool/retard...where did all my cojones go?! UGH SMHHHH im so mad at myself!..i never felt so scarred about openin up to someone the way i do with him..i like him alot and thats what makes it scary for me...ive been hurt so many times before but i know i can't blame him but i am succeeding at messing this whole thing up with us..i don't want him to turn his back on me :/...and i don't want to move things slower i don't even know why when he asked me that i said yes! if anything i liked the pace we were going i just wish we could try seeing each other more maybe that would help but slowing it down for what! likeeee jesh ive been getting cool with him for like 8 months now...FML if theres anything i really want deep down inside its to get closer with him i want to free myself of the cage ive built for my heart and i know hes worthy of it...im just so damn stubborn......................

im goin to sleep now,
im gonna go crawl into my turtle shell =(
GOD please help me, he has no idea<3

In My Dreams...

i want to take an adventure through the city in the car with the windows down and the sun covering my face as i jam to the music of john legend and then stop at a museum and look at all the different art pieces and escape to different places in the world. i want to run around and act like little kids with no worries and pretend that i can fly and become a pretty green and blue butterfly. i want to look at the world from a new perspective literally and climb to the rooftop of a building and for once just stare down at the world and feel like time just stopped for us. i want to kiss you at the top of a lighthouse overlooking the water everytime the light turns on just to feel the magic between our lips as the waves crash in the sea. i want to feel a love that makes me feel free.

KING<3

im gonna end this with a video i found that coincidentally actually fits extremely well with this post...pretty crazy! but the universe speaks :)..its one of my favorite songs by John Legend<3

Element of Freedom

"I'd risk the fall just to know how it feels to fly"

-The Greatest, Alicia Keys

The world on fire and I wait to be saved by you

Dear King,

Hey!!! sorry I haven't been writing to you in a while but I was away on vacation in DR. I have so much to tell you though! I wish you were here to help me cause I have alot on my mind today and I need someone that I trust like you to talk to me. My king I'm starting to feel sick of people. I feel like alot of the people around me aren't being themselves and there so lost on trying to be like each other. It's disgusting =/. I also can't stand the people that try to act like there your friend to your face but then tell lies and talk behind your back. Everyday I feel like theres less and less "real" people left in this world. I start to feel like I'm the only one and one of the few who notices all this about the people in this world. I won't lie I've gotten used to people changing and walking out. I never hope for anything or have any expectations. Like the saying goes "people come and go like seasons" and I've grown to accept that. I look at the people around me as temporary. They all might be on the same path as me now but one day they'll decide to walk in another direction. The only people who will always be walking behind me is my family. When we meet king I know you'll finally be there too holding my hand and walking on the same path with me together. I have faith that when we meet maybe you can convince me that there is such a thing as someone being there for you until the end. Well my king I just needed to vent to you. I love you veryyy much! I'm going to go lay down now for a little off to my dream place you'll know what its like there eventually :)...heres a song for you<3