releasing the butterflies

Dear King,
Hi !! my day was better than yesterday I spent it with the family. I know tomorrow I'm going to be really busy, I have to start off my Monday the right way and make sure everything that needs to be gets done. I woke up this morning and made breakfast with my mother, I went to the mall did some xmas shopping, and came back home and helped do my sisters hair for school tomorrow. I do have to tell you something though that guy that I liked alot during the summer well we had an interesting conversation today. You already know me and him have been going through ups and downs and so much confusion is always coming into play. He came to visit me the day I came home it was really nice of him and even though I thought I didn't like him anymore I realized I still did. It was making me so upset to see how well he still gets along with my family, that day he even got along with my DAD. My dad is usually the hardest to get to open up whenever he meets guys I'm talking to. Anyways it was making me upset because its like gosh can you be any more of like my perfect kind of guy lol but then remembering that he wasn't into me anymore. Ayee whatever I thought its cool I mean my king (you) is going to be the BEST even better than him. Except, todays conversation we had came to reveal that he liked me and he STILL does and a bunch of other things. It was good that me and him were honest and told each other everything. Now were talking again and I'm happy. If he is you well I hope we figure things out and get what we both want :). If not then know that I love you and it's good for you to read these letters because I want you to know where I was before I met you and all about my journey. Well I'm going to end this with a song by my FAVORITE artist Alicia Keys<3..btw I love her and Musiq Soulchild, John Legend, Drake, and India Arie.

I dedicate this song to you...

my heart leaves tracks of love

sometimes i feel like i have so much love to give that even if i tried to give it all to myself it would be too much...hopefully my love never drains out and ill share it with someone special one day.


letter to my king:
Dear King,
I hope your day went good today sorry that I am up so late again I know its unhealthy. Well anyways, I thought about you today like I do most of the time when I'm not busy with my life. Today I spent the day home and watched movies then my ex boyfriend came over and we hung out. We talked, caught up on life and such. He seems to be doing fine he just got a new job and him and his girlfriend are working on their relationship. I can tell he really loves her but I see it in his eyes that he misses me. Something regretful lurks beneath but I have already moved on past him. Don't worry my love you don't have to be jealous about him. I did love him alot at some point but time put its test on us and we didn't pass thats why you were sent to me. I was feeling a bit upset though today because you know it gets hard and sometimes I just wish we could meet already. I would of been so happy to spend the day inside with you being silly with each other and just holding each other. Its ok I know we'll have plenty of those eventually. Well, I'm going to go to bed now. I LOVE YOU xinfinity&beyond<3. I promise to keep writing to you. This is just the beginning babe.
Love Your Queen :)



When i meet that special someone he'll read all these letters. I thought it would be sweet.

does that make me crazy?

cause staying up till 6am is healthy..NOT..even though ill probably sleep till like 12PM..yea i do this like every night im starting to think maybe i suffer from some type of psychological disorder..humm anxiety, depression, a.d.d....what is it? i think i might take antidepressants just to see how it is and if it helps me.

well off to bed now at 6:15am...gym in the morning<3

a blessing and a curse: my empathy for people



I resent all the moments the world puts in my face and reminds me that peace will never exist..these are the times that make me, cry...it upsets me everytime i lose a friend or you meet people who aren't good..they carry bad motives or have ill intentions..it hurts me deeply for some reason because i guess no matter how hard i try i could never be mean...as a child it was always hard for me to stand up for myself and i was always the nice one that people ended up taking advantage of and stepping over so i had to finally learn to defend myself...but even so now when i do defend myself its not the real me..i am that stupid to let people take me for granted and not care because i guess i am that much of a nice person..don't get me wrong though i've learn to earn respect..but what is that really anymore?..im just really sad because i wish everyone could just get along and people could be happy and unlike other people it hurts me more than alot of people in this world..i know i've already been told you can't make everyone happy and it doesn't exist i just wish it did thats all =/...



the last hope.

so this is the moment we've all been waiting for LOL....
i want to dedicate this blog to someone i consider special in my life :)

Today i realized alot about myself looking at myself and the way i've changed and just judging from the way i react to situations and how different it is to how i used to be. I can really sense this new type of energy inside of me and im embracing it to the fullest. It's like i hold this strong beautiful spirit within me that can't be broken. I've trully grown into a woman. I take life cool and breezy. I understand that people will always talk and want to try and break you but thats how you know your really making moves. You've become that much of an important person that now people ethier love you or hate you the inbetween just don't exist anymore. But heres my mentality on all that I could careless! if someone loves me thats all good i don't ask for it nor do i need it, if someone hates me well i aint mad i know myself and thats all that matters to me. I have my priorities straight I'm not roamin around confused as shit about what im going to do. I have goals and I have plans so I'm taking the steps to achieve them. For once in my life, I guess I just want to say that I never felt so much peace with myself. I am genuwinly happy I love myself more than anyone in this world could ever love me. I've achieved what they call "apapsyche".

Thank You
Hasan<3
:you broke me but you made me:

VivaLaFriends

I just finished speaking with a good friend of mine that I've known since I was like 11 years old. I haven't seen her in about almost 2 years now and she lives in the deep parts of PA but she's supposed to be coming up here to visit me soon at my apartment. I love her and she's one of the most intelligent positive influences in my life. We've already planned out exactly what were going to do when she gets here which is for one smoke some funky fresh ganja hahaa as we splurge on great munchies and enjoy each others company while we update each other on our lives followed by most likely random free spirit living through the exposure of our inner hippie selves lmao..well enough enough im just very hyped and i need her energy in my life i been feeling a tad drained out lately. So having her around should be good for me. I don't have enough exciting people in my life right now which defenitely sucks. Everyone is on their automatic pilot type living and none of these people really ever take time to step back and just breath. Don't get me wrong I'm all about hardwork and taking care of your responsibilities but you have to be able to enjoy life too and make the most out of it or else you'll only end up killing yourself.



Chris Brown's New Album has been released online:

Tracklist
01. I Can Transform Ya (ft Lil Wayne & Swizz Beatz)
02. Sing Like Me
03. Crawl
04. So Cold
05. What I Do (ft Plies)
06. Famous Girl
07. Take My Time
08. I.Y.A.
09. Pass Out (ft Eva Simons)
10. Wait (ft Trey Songz & Game)
11. Lucky Me
12. Fallin Down
13. I’ll Go

*FUN FACT OF THE DAY!-"did you know after Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F"

AlphaFemale.MumBo.JumBo PT 1

1. why are guys with girlfriends trying to hit on me like smfh what is wrong with you?!?

2. im sick of guys saying girls are complicated as if you guys aren't too ya are just as confused!
& i thought woman were supposed to be these irrational emotional creatures at least we make sense sometimes, whats your excuse?

3. im sick of seeing girls wasting their time with guys they know aren't good for them and then hearing them complain about them...realize what your worth..why do you think im single dammit!..well lets not even get into that one [sighhhh]



well since im done venting now i believe we can get into bigger better brighter happier postive things! :)


1. miss AlPhaFemaLe is officially accepted into the department of medicine shadow psychian program!

2. momma dukes is pregnant and doing well shes expected to give birth in early janurary to my future baby bro<3

3.my spiritual connection with God is still going and has become stronger! AMEN...don't know how life would be without him



& on that note kiddies my nocturnal self is going to try and get some rest and i'll be leaving you all with a special song and video by one of my favorite artist ever Alicia Keys..(click link below)


Alicia Keys-sleeping with a broken heart