Between the love

It's been a while since I've wrote on here. Much has changed in my life over the last few years. I've enjoyed the pace that I've went and I'm still just as in love with the idea of love as I was back then. I'm graduating next month after a long journey. The goal was always to finish at the end of the day anyway. I knew that no matter what I went through I would get my college degree. I'm excited for the other steps in my life I'll be embarking on. As for the the things between it all. I became close friends with a guy and during a vulnerable point found myself lost in what I thought was love. I don't even know if vulnerable is the appropriate word because I believe this happens to everyone. However, I was met with more than just a twist of fate in this thought to be love story. I got pregnant. I had already made a promise to myself years ago though that if this ever happened I would keep it. The consequences were mine to face and a moment like that wasn't deserving of a shortcut route. I would be responsible and understand the blessing behind it. Through this promise, I had a beautiful baby girl. Her smile births love everyday. I don't regret my choice at all. I truly believe in the forces of the universe and she was destined to be my child. As for the father, I'm only focused on building a healthy co-parenting relationship. Our personal relationship got too mixed up. When the real came out, we became completely incompatible. I tried to force a love that wasn't there and only made myself miserable. I lived in tears and pain before deciding to finally break free. I knew that if this was how my life was going to be forever that I couldn't continue doing it. In the mist of this awakening, I met a man. He became a close friend and we shared similar situations in our love life. Fast forward, I've tread cautiously only to discover that he is pure love. He makes me feel warm inside, motivates me to be a better me, makes me feel protected. He knows what I've been through and he understands me. He's willing to fight for me. He doesn't mind my insecurities because he has such a deep faith in our future. Everything about him and about us is beautiful. We just want better and want to be better. He takes me higher mentally and physically. He challenges me like nobody ever could before. When we connect, it's like we are traveling somewhere far together. Its the craziest thing what experiences do to you. We've both become so strong in our own ways. It's that same strength that holds us tighter. We just know that we don't want to be anywhere else. It's this mutual feeling of "this right here needs to work". It probably will too and we know it. Because it's almost so effortless. I've always heard a good relationship is one that takes effort but not that much effort. You can find a person that shares enough with you to make it easier and the two of you can be happy together. Life is going to be hard. The ultimate gift is a person that can keep you up when your down. He's my partner in life and I hope we don't mess up and lose each other. My job now is to be his woman and give him what he needs. I cannot fail at holding him down. My goal is to be his wife.

THE GREATEST GIFTS COME FREE

"Love where for art thou? Shall i ever experience your warmth? Do you even exist? If so present yourself to me. I swear I'll try my hardest to make us work but until then i am forced to fill my heart with superficial and inconsequential pasatiempos"
--a young man wrote this..thought it was one of the realest statements i'd ever seen

one night while I went to go read the bible I prayed to God that he can direct me towards the message he would like me to receive that night. I always pray and ask God for this, close my eyes, and open the bible at a random selected page. God spoke to me and it is was written in the Songs Of Solomon 3:1-5

"Upon my bed at night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him, but found him not; I called him, but he gave no answer. I will rise now & go about the city, in the streets & in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him, but found him not. The watchmen found me, as they went about in the city. Have you seen him whom my soul loves? Scarcely had I passed them, when I found him whom my soul loves. I held him & would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother's house, and into the chamber of her that conceived me. I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the deer of the field, THAT YOU STIR NOT UP NOR AWAKEN LOVE UNTIL IT PLEASE."

Therefore, I will be patient. I will become the greatest woman I can be. Love will one day find me and I will be ready for it then.
I hold faith in God & in this I do BELIEVE<3

i forgot you

you know how you can tell when you forgotten somebody..when you can look back at the things you've said or written and laugh. i think i just laughed at my foolishness right now or well i don't really know but i just think its funny. when time passes and you can look back at the bad memories and laugh well thats when you know you've moved on forward....everytime i move forward though i still wonder where do those feelings that you had go to, what place are they saved at. Everytime i ever felt anything for someone it was truly sincere. I can't imagine how something like that could possibly just disappear. Now that i really think about it i guess for me they never do disappear they just..change.

Remember When....

I haven't posted anything here in about almost 2 months. I got tired of writing letters to my king and tired of being disappointed by every man that I met. Queen was done and meeting guys now I find myself unable to let go. Sorry, if I just decided that being that nice girl wasn't taking me far. Wale just put it all together, this song is too real....

reading my book

THIS IS ME: "a very compassionate person who trys to front like shes big and bad.. deep down you love attention but u dont like it from just anyone.. so u dont really accept it when people give it to u.... ur funny and u like someone else who can be that while just being themself.. u love a man thats ambitious bc u have your own goals in life and u need someone to go stride for stride with u... your very competitive but u love a man who can be just as if not more competitive than you because thats an overbearing trait for passive men.... i know this isnt about me but i think u would love for me to be closer because i am what u like in a man.. its just the distance makes it difficult... u love being spontaneous but you are very very selective with when and how u go about that fun..u wish u could find someone similar to you"

i had to copy and paste this onto my blog! hes dope for this one.got a hand clap and everything live on skype lol..i couldn't believe how he completely read me right on through im so grateful to have met him on spring break in florida. guys im only looking at him as a friend relax! lol..but he is funny i peeped the way he tried to be slick and sneak that lil line in there. We are very honest with each other though and he knows the deal and were both realistic>>we are states apart from each other so that could never work out.

the classsics

TRUTH

i accepted it.
his name was being written on my heart...i found the answer hidden underneath the layers of pride which i bear.

You told me you still felt for me but how is that possible when you can go and be with someone else. You tell me you don't want to lose me. However, if you also truly meant it when you said that we should keep moving on with our lives and see where time takes us than how do you expect for me to stay. I can only keep moving if I let you go. I'm so sorry that you may not realize how much it hurts to do this but I have to say bye to us. I wished that you could have noticed all that I had for you. It was right in front of you but I just can't wait for you. I know you told me your parents story of how people break apart but the feelings always stay the same. I know you wanted a real love like that. For me, I found it with you. I didn't expect for it to happen either or for it to be so soon in my life. I just don't think that all real loves need to pass a test of time in order to be true. Some just happen that way right from the beginning and its better to let it fluorish. Then, to just see it all go to waste. I can only hope the best for you and that you will find exactly what you are looking for.
Goodbye Rodrigo<3